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Jun 19, 2009, 12:43 AM
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Member Since: Oct 2007
Posts: 204
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Originally Posted by Elysium3006
BT....
I want to encourage your independence and offer you support on your journey to gaining it.
I also need to say that, even though you moved out of your parents home, it doesn't seem to me, at least, that you have moved out of this dependent situation. You have just relocated to a different geographical location. It seems to me that nothing else has changed, and you yourself even said that there is no difference.
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No there is not much of a difference, except that I do not feel comfortable living with my grandparents and am more likely to look for work, etc.
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Look....you need to speak with your Grandparents directly and find out, from them, what they expect/need from you as far as payment for room and board. This should have been something that should have been discussed before you even moved in with them, so you could all be on the same page.
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I have spoken to them and they have agreed to let me pay the bills, (gas, power, water) etc. I think this is fair enough, as I also drive them to the shops, fix things, etc.
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You need to understand, when you pay money for room and board, you are paying to live in the space that your Grandparents have made for you at their home, and depending on what you decided, also for some bills. PERIOD. Whether they decide to spend this on paying the bills, or buying the groceries, or going out for a nice dinner, the fact is, you pay the money to them and then it is no longer your money. If they choose to save that money for you in a piggy bank or something, then this is their choice and generosity. But their generosity does not dismiss you from paying for your space. They have a right to spend their money any way they want, and once the money exchanges hands from yours to theirs, it is their money.
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I understand the concept, yet I find this unacceptable. I need to know that when I am using electricity, that I am not adding to my grandparent's expenses, etc. . . .
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Why is it that you cannot take the money that you are paying your Grandparents and were paying your Parents and get your own place, even if that's just renting a room out of someone else's home (non-family related). Then there could be a rental contract put in place and you would know what was expected of you and I guarantee you your landlord would not save your money for you.
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That's probably a good idea. The problem is that most landlords will want their tenants to be employed, which I am not.
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This would be a step towards independence, whereas I see your moving in with your Grandparents as just another attempt to avoid taking responsibility for yourself and your finances.
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I see it as just a place to crash.
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If this makes you angry, I apologize. I am not saying these things to make you angry on purpose, but more to help you gain some higher understanding.
It's time for you to leave the familial nest and take care of yourself
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I'm not angry, and I'm looking forward to moving out now, I really am. Whereas before it seemed like an unattainable step. I am looking at getting a job as a courier, and i have money to buy my own van. I've been thinking of maybe sleeping in my van instead of at my grandparent's and to be honest I'm really excited about the idea. I just think I need to get a job first.
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