BT,

I have been following your situation. I am sorry I have not posted as of yet.

I wanted to say I am really proud of you for taking steps to gain control and independance.

I know others say to move in with your grandparents is not really being independant, but I think of it as a baby step along the way to getting to where you want to be. Just don't let it become a long time thing. I dont think you will though because you certainly sound like you wish to gain your independance.

Personally, I think you should offer and try to give your grandparents a small amount of extra money, regardless of if they save it for you or whatnot. DO pay the bills as you say because i think thats really really cool and good of you to do, and i agree with how you think its helping you to not be a "cost" to them. I would also offer or give something extra for living in the space. If they decide to give it back to you, well thats great and you will have it later on to spend when you need it.

I also think that while you are living with them, you should have a bank account and a savings account and be putting something in it whenever you get money. Then you willhave some money aside when you move out on your own!

I definetly think you are right on the ball to get established before you move totally out. Let me tell you I have been on my own since 16, dependant on the childrens aid society till 21. I was not ready for it at all and i made a huge mess of my life, my credit, and my mental and physical health. I did not know how to budget, live healthy, handle things in my life, or be independant. I didnt gain that knowledge until about a year ago, whgen I was forced to when i became a single mom of my son.

Once you get there though, the independance will feel SO GOOD. Trustme. you will love it!

As for the situation with your dad, im betting that you have alot of resentment built up from your history. You say your father would often hit you out of the blue, and was poorly towards your sister. That is so sad, and I am so sorry. Try to not let that resentment turn to anger though. Maybe even work on forgiving your father for those things - this doesnt mean forgetting! This just means you say "ok, this is in the past, and I am going to let it go and move forward". Also put in strict boundaries with how you interact with your parents for now. You and they do not need anything to be more traumatic than it is. Interact with them in as minimal a way as possible - just for a while.

Are you doing therapy for yourself? Sometimes that is a help. If you cannot afford it, keep writing here and working things out in your head by talking to people. I also want to commend you on your ability to take peoples advice/thoughts without reacting defensively. You know what they say - opinions are like a certain part of the body, everyone has em Take what you need to grow and learn, and leave what doesnt apply alone.

Keep posting, keep working on yourself. Make a small independant step everyday. Even if thats just getting out of the house and going for a coffee. Make sure you are doing SOMETHING.

I wish you the very best!