From my experience when using the word 'gay' as an insult, it's not actually used in the sense of being an actual gay person is bad. It's like the word has a total other meaning. I would say the definition of gay when used insultingly is like a rubbish person or thing, but has nothing to do with actually being gay or relating to gay people being bad. It doesn't make it ok, because people shouldn't have to take it that way, and it in everyday language it is not an insulting word.

I hope that makes sense. I'm not trying to justify it, but the way I know some people think of the word as having another meaning, just the same way as it means something happy.

But I know some people also use it in the sense of actually being gay as an insult, that I cannot figure out.