I also had an abusive childhood, and even as an adult raising my child alone, he was barely supportive.

Yet, I've been through so much in this life this past year alone... I realized something for myself.

If I give the love and support I need from my Dad to him... maybe he will heal a bit as well. He has to know what he has done, in regards to hurting little children with his anger and uncontrolled tantrums in the past.

I will give him the love I do have, and I hope that he feels accepted, because I do know he was worried sick about my cancer diagnosis, as any father would be, good or lousy... I know he loves me the best he can.

So, I send a humorous card, something about having to lower my I.Q. to be like my brothers, and we could spend time together ... like go fishing, and I burp, he says 'good one'... tee-hee.... something you had to see, it was funny though.

Then I sent a serious one... where the card says that I am grateful for my life and thank you, Dad.

I feel good that I did this because, heck, I need forgiveness in this world too
... and although I did not do what he did, I also hurt those I loved at times.

Heck, who hasn't.

I do know some fathers weren't dads at all, but rather atrocious humans, who weren't really mate-able to begin with, yet somehow fathered children... and for that, I am always appalled and saddened by.

I have the abandoning type, the always said 'no' man, the negative guy who didn't see his girls as little innocent precious things, but rather nuisances, and expenses, so we all left his household in our teens, after feeling like dirt from both parents, and not understanding men at all, or how women were either.

Over the years, he has tried to either put up with us or really wanted to engage us with our kids and all, but it panned out really for my younger siblings, especially the boys.

I was too burdened with all the memories of the hurting he caused our family, and the corporal punishments, and the betrayals to our mom, who flipped out for good over that until her death...

But, my heart has become warm again, and I do so love life and all living things except spiders and predators. (;

I want to be as healthy as possible, and that means I must lose the fears and the past baggage as well, and for me, this is important

... as my fight with cancer is not understandable about such things.

So, I forgive, release, and am explaining to you all, why I do, because maybe someone else is on the fence, and wants to give the Old Man some gratitude because they found something in their heart worth saving, and tossed out the bad in order to live also.

I'm not saying this is possible for everyone... or that this is what others need to do.

I'm saying I do have this road, and on my path, is forgiveness to all in this life, so that I can be whole again after going thru so much... I do not care to revisit such difficulties, so I embrace changing what I have put off or denied, or didn't know existed in me before.

Peace and Love,
Night
xoxo