((((((((((((((((((((((((( KD )))))))))))))))))))))))))
I really feel for you right now. I do understand. When my abuser died, my abused died at the same time. I understand how you can feel like you were an ice queen. I watched other family members around me cry and grieve at my grandfathers death. And I couldn't. I didn't have any emotions. It took me a year to feel his death. My grandfather was burried on valentine's day and the first year after his death is when it all hit me hard. I couldn't remember any of the bad things, just the good things about him. I felt so bad about not being able to grieve his death at the time. But just remember that DID does take care of you. It lets you deal with things when you are ready to deal with them. Don't get down on yourself for getting angry at the DID. If we didn't get angry or upset about it, then we would never seek therapy to change it. Isn't that the reason we are in therapy to begin with, to over come the DID? I'm glad to see you posting again. We are all here for you. I hope that you can find some peace and quiet now. ( hey and don't forget, it's OK to get mad and angry, it's an emotion too and healthy to have, words from me T ) Take your time and do what you need to do for yourself. You are the most important person to yourself. I Love Ya, Monty