I feel really stupid about being nervous about starting meds again. Just feel like I've failed in some way. Being on meds is the last thing I wanted. But I don't feel like to can cope or manage at this point. And something has to change. I told T last week that I would try the meds and I've gotten nervous and unsure about it all, I'm thinking of backing out now. I have to see T tonight and I have an appointment for blood work and to start meds in the morning. I really don't want to go to either appointment right now. Feel like hiding under a rock and telling everyone to go away and leave me alone. I just really don't want to deal with anything anymore. Just hide in my room.