I was raised in a large brood (10 kids...same parents). You can imagine the variety of personalities as well the differences of personal issues.

Each of us going through our own personal trials n tribulations of life's lessons...some greater than others, some of us going through more hardships than the other siblings.

Now, all of us in our late 40's and well into our senior 50's, with some of us still experiencing the stuggles that a hard life presents, while others are living extremely well without financial concerns to inhibit any of their daily plans. (Those who are financially stable have married into the money).

Life has a way of throwing us some sudden curves that are sometimes without forewarning, leaving us in dire straits....putting us into a position that is not only extremely humiliating but even moreso difficult to sometimes humble onself to (yet are forced to due to no other means as a way out).

I am divorcing. Moving away from hubs. Presently, hiding my moving out from hubs, (prevention of unnecessary complications), though making all the necessary preparations for this move for myself and daughter.
My access to the finances of my marriage have been hindered...in fact, so extremely limited that the only way of obtaining access to them is through the divorce and inclusion of said monies to be divided. Something I had hoped to avoid completely as I sought only for dismissal of marriage without all the red tape involved...which would require months of court appearances...forcing my remaining here in the area, which I cannot afford by anymeans (I am moving out of state).

So, I regretfully turn for the help of my family....suspecting my response..but really having no choice as I have no one else to turn to.

I can assure you, this is someting which I find ultimately humiliating as I am an adult, halfway through my lifetime...and needing help from family.

To me, family love is unconditional. It is something that exceeds judgements passed and grudges held. I have made and carried my own regarding certain members in my early years, but over time have come to terms with many true values which family upholds, thus overcoming any former barriers I may have carried, (some for which are undeniably justified, yet have forgiven, non the less).

My time to ask for help. I am denied. And although I sorta suspected I would be denied, the fact that it actually did happen broke my heart. Maybe, I was hoping that with age, they too have discovered true value in family love. Apparently not.
The members with the financial security are, of course, the first to turn their backs, claiming that they cannot "spare" a couple thousand dollars, (to them, $2K is like a mere $2 dollars to me. Youngest sister has close to million, (earned through her divorce of her short marriage), and oldest brother has well into a few million (through his real estate business, but primarily earned from the death of his wife's parents...leaving her their inheritance).

My "poorer" siblings are just as financially in staits as I am and I wouldn't dream of seeking assistance through them. Ironically, however, the one who cannot afford to help me does what he can to be of help. Unfortunately, it is no where near enough, so I deny his offer of financial generosity and suggest assistance of helping to move once (if) that time comes.

What IS family, anyway?
I have all these people in mine, and yet...their sense of family value is non-existant. I don't understand it, really. All these years, I've been there for any of them ...moving, support (financially or emotionally...whatever), yet....in my unforeseen time of need....I seem to be out of luck.

I do KNOW one thing...IF my sister called me, and told me what I had spent well over an hour explaining to her about my situation (especially involving my daughter), I would NOT have told her,
"let me think about it, and I'll get back to you"....
Then retun a voice message to me stating,
"well, I've thought about it and unfortunately, I cannot "spare" that kind of money (2K) at this time as I know I'll never see it again. I know you understand and if you needta talk, call me"
Needless to say, I called her alright. Left her a voice message as now she isn't accepting call...informing her that I wasn't asking for a hand-out, but a LOAN, which would be repaid as soon as I got on feet again.

Bummer.
The humiliation to ask was difficult enough, but facing the fact that money means more to them that what is really there to be had is simply a hurtful reality.

And you know.....despite the fact that this has temporarily traumatized me, I know that I'd still be there for any of them if they ever needed me...WITHOUT expectations of repayment. THAT is family!!

Shangrala