KP,

There are many reasons for having children.......I wonder if some exploration of the "hole" you speak of would be beneficial in therapy? Without sounding harsh(for that is not my intention), having another child may not necessarily fill that hole........I believe that vacuum can only be filled by you, loving you, despite all that you have experienced. I know you are thinking of your husband.......I am more than aware of that conundrum.......My partner and I have been going through something similar.

I am in perimenopause at 35. It is unlikely that I would be able to conceive and even if I could I don't have all the hormonal functions to ensure a safe growth for a baby. I also have thyroid issues and have been told that if I were to have another child, it could kill me, not to mention what it would do to the child. I already have a son who is 14. My partner and I have been together for 5 years and always wanted to have a baby. We have had to go through a large process of acceptance and disappointment. We even talked about him leaving to see if he could find someone else to have a baby with!(My suggestion). He said he did not want to be with anyone else but me. We have decided to put all our resources into my sons upbringing and concentrate on him. We digress occassionally, but we talk about it when we need to.

My point is, do you take the risk? Is your mental health in danger if you go through pregnancy, hormones, sleepless nights and having 2 other children to look after? You have A LOT on your plate.......at no point have I heard you speak about YOU, only what you and your husband want. You are prepared to take HUGE risks but at what cost?

I am concerned that you are seeking therapy for all the wrong reasons........I have heard good things about ECT(like the post above) and medication is a given in some circumstances........but do you want to get better to have a baby, or get better because you are an important human being who is entitled to the best life possible and you are already a mother and wife?

Sorry babe, your reasons for having a baby are NOT for me to judge.......but I am concerned for you and your predicament tugs at me in ways where I cannot be impartial........you will make the right decision for you and your family.......trust in the process and we are here

Good luck, sweets.........I really feel for where you are in this......