I kinda feel stupid.........replying to my own post, but things are getting desperate for me. D/t recent "head-banging" I went to the neurologist yesterday to get the results of my head MRI/MRA. He says massive swelling of the right temporal
lobe.......he's putting me on more meds (the last things I need is more meds.........the more I have, the more likely I am to self-injury of whatever deranged choice.

I am sorry I hope no one takes the word "deranged" personally; it is a word I apply to myself....It reminds me of being sober for 5 years (never thought it was possible to fall off the wagon after THAT long! This is how I feel about this cutting/self-injury issue Now w/ meds PLUS booze PLUS finding bruises all over my body in the morning & not remembering.........I KNOW where those blades are & I SWEAR, they keep calling my name, even as I post. My self-esteem is fading fast, my normally, strong resistance is crumbling..............

DAYZEE (Laura)