fibrorobin, what a shock you have had. Please take your time and don't rush things. You need time to get used to this. I have two teenagers and just signed all my final divorce papers last week. My XH and I have a very amicable relationship (although there were many ups and downs in the divorce process) and are committed to treating each other cordially and co-parenting our children. We worked hard to achieve this, but it is worth it! Being hostile and hateful benefits no one, least of all your kids. I think your H had a hard thing to do--not only to come out, but to realize it meant breaking up the marriage and hurting you. I hope you can be kind to each other. It is a hard time for everyone. How old are your children?

I am glad you have a therapist for support. My therapist was very influential in promoting a good post-divorce relationship between me and my XH, for the sake of our kids. To be honest, though, I did this as much for me as for my kids. But doing it for the kids can be a very big motivator.

Here are two books that are very good. The second one is very nuts and bolts and full of good ideas for splitting up and co-parenting. The first one is my personal favorite, and was instrumental in motivating me to strive for positive relations with my ex-spouse. Before I was even done reading it, I bought a copy for my H and asked him to read it.

1) The Good Divorce: Keeping Your Family Together When Your Marriage Comes Apart. by Constance Ahrons
http://www.amazon.com/Good-Divorce-C...5729031&sr=1-1

2) Mom's House, Dad's House: Making Two Homes for Your Child. by Isolina Ricci
http://www.amazon.com/Moms-House-Dad...ref=pd_sim_b_1

I would recommend that if you want an amicable split from your H, you do your best not to talk to friends or family members who had horrible divorces. Many people go through a hostile split, fight in court, etc., and they will try to poison you from having an amicable split. My XH and I found this time and time again and learned it was better not to talk to these people. They would try to sway you to their point of view that you should hate your spouse and be hateful to him/her, screw him/her in court, etc.

At some point, you will have to make some legal decisions. I would recommend you talk this over with your husband and think carefully about what kind of divorce you want. There are a number of different ways to do it: do-it-yourself, litigation, mediation, and collaborative. If you litigate, you may both end up hating each other. The lawyers will encourage you to try to destroy the other person. Beware! I had a collaborative divorce, and this worked well for us, although it was challenging at times. Here is the collaborative divorce association website, and it describes the process. Mediation is another option that keeps you out of court.
International Academy of Collaborative Professionals
http://www.collaborativepractice.com/

That's probably too much information too soon. But I hope those books will help.

Hang in there.