Blue, from their position, having lost a very much loved parent, and likely having little experience of abuses like others have had, your statement likely felt cruel. It may have felt invalidating to them, in that it denied the level of their own grief.

And of course, it seems that you felt invalidated in return by the harshness of their comments to you.

Their responses/feelings/understandings are about them and their own experiences. Yours are about you and your experiences.

Neither is wrong. Just probably each stance doesn't have enough understanding or apprecation of the other to be mutually supportive, especially given that the topic is grounded in such deeply emotional issues.

Bottom line: they are where they are, and probably can't support you much. Not because they are 'bad' or intentionally hurtful or 'wrong'. Just because they are where they are.