{{{{{{{{{dalila, Emmy, Pat, Angela, Fuzzy}}}}}}}}}}}

Thanks to all of you. By now my disappointment has worn down to generally feeling extremely tired (which may just as well be related to being overscheduled and not getting enough sleep), and general lack of motivation/not wanting to be there (or anyplace else for that matter). And I feel disconnected from everything and unuseful. The job that I wanted (that has hours I could do) has been given to the boss's roommate, who has worked there much less time than I have and is still a student. I'm really getting resentful about being strung along at $6 an hour, and it's not entirely fair because they did offer me the secretary job, and I turned it down. But why can't I be worth something for what I'm doing? I had been giving 200% and trying to show what I'm worth, and I've been told that I'm doing well, and I get asked to train new staff quite often (they even change my schedule to have me working with new staff to be trained). And now I'm questioning why I'm doing this. All along I've stayed there out of loyalty to the girls and because I was learning a lot. I think I've reached the end of what I'm going to learn though, and burn-out is hitting pretty hard. If they want to keep me, they are going to have to come through with a raise or something, and I really need some time off. My other job is sending me to training this month, and I'll be away for one whole week and a few days another week too. I hope that helps. I hope I'll even be able to find the enthusiasm to make that worthwhile. Right now all my enthusiasm for anything is completely drained.

About the scratches, which are fairly significant, I'm not sure that T wants to know. I'll tell her if she says something like congratulating me for handling this well or anything like that, because then I would feel guilty, but I'm supposed to stop defining myself in terms of symptoms like that. She seems to be saying that there is an actual person in here somewhere, hiding behind symptoms like si and workaholic stuff and all that. It doesn't really feel like it though.