Quote:
Originally Posted by Rainbowzz
I know this all too well. Im young, only 27. I supported myself from 16 up until I was about 24. and then I got really sick. I was on alot of drugs(illegal), my fam still doesnt know and wont ever know if i can help it. But i was still supporting myself working 6 days a week. And then I OD'd on ecstacy, and it started a domino effect of triggering all of my mental health issues, which are many. Still, i struggled to support myself or at least go on welfare, rather than ask for money. I did get money from my mom one or two times. It was out of desperation as I was behind on rent, and she gave it.. but she has held it against me ever since and brings up that i am using her every time we get in an argument. It honestly wasnt worth the money she gave me to have this grief. My other aunt has told her "thats what you do for your kids, when they need help you give it" but apparently my mom and fam doesnt beleive this.
And then i got pregnant. Rather than stay with my abusive ex i chose to move home. And when i had him, two months later i got extremely sick with fibromyalgia and hip and back problems. I have been disabled ever since.
I have problems keeping up with housework. I had a suicidal episode, where I was manic and didnt sleep for a few days. I did NOT attempt. I took myself to the hospital and gave my son to my cousin for a week until i was stable.
Now heres the kicker - rather than come in and help with housework, or with baby, half my family is trying to tell me to GIVE HIM UP for adoption or put him in foster care because I am sick. And that BOILS my blood. I am disabled, but i am not disabled to a point where I cannot care for my one year old. Yet they would rather see him in care than help me with the things i struggle with. It would be so easy for one of them to come in once or twice a week to help, yet they are "busy" and, my mom, likes to say"57 years old and gets tired from all the "work" she does - she means chores, and she is FINE, physically anyways.
I thnk theres something grossly wrong with that. If it were me i would do anything in my power to help a relative keep their child. I would NEVER suggest giving him up or giving up on raising him. Thats WRONG in my eyes.
I am so sorry you go through this too. I wish you the very best.  |
You stick to your guns, (as I'm certain you will). Bravo for you! I admire your love and dedications to yourself and to your son.
I'm sorry that you must endure such harsh realities, as well.
My mom behaved much like yours, too. When I was 26 and discovered that I was pregnant and estatic about the pregnancy, (boyfriend and I had been living together for years prior and happy, though marriage wasn't a thought...we were happy as it was).
I approach my parents with the good news. My dad was happy for us. My mom was....emotionless. Her first response to me was, "Nothing you do surprises me, anymore". Wow! What a thing to say...completely took me by surprise.
She then finished the blow by saying, "I have paid my dues and have no intentions of raising anymore children, let alone getting stuck babysitting grandchildren".
I cried forever after...or, so it seemed.
I made it a point to never ask my mom for support, especially regarding my son. I wouldn't give her the satisfaction of supplying her with anymore ammunition which she could use against me in any way. I didn't deny her time with my son. She had that so long as I was present.
And yet, she managed to manipulate further by later telling me that she would have been happy to help me out by babysitting while I was working...blah blah. Whatever, mom.
It was almost as though she was punishing me for her own inner demons. And, sure..it hurt....which at that time, I really didn't understand her anger, so I carried a sense of responsibility for that for much of my younger years.
Now, I'm much older, far more wise...And although I now understand her anger and no longer carry any sense of responsibility for it, I still feel the loss for it. That will never subside. I miss the maternal bonding that we never did share.
There is a positive to that, however. What I missed most from that with my mom I provide in abundance to my own daughter.
There is always a gain to every loss. And once beyond the pain of its initial harshness, I'm relentless to seek it in every given situation.
And, I cannot agree with you more regarding helping a family member in a crisis, especially involving a child. There really IS something wrong with the fact that of family members turning their backs on you in a time of need, ESPECIALLY when children are included.
I'm right there with you! I, too, would offer assistance in any possible way I could...WITHOUT expectations of repayment in ANY means.
One deed earns that of another. And time manages that balance for us.
My best to you Rain. My thoughts are with you and your son.
Shangrala
