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Jun 23, 2009, 10:28 AM
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Member Since: Mar 2009
Location: Ontario Canada
Posts: 98
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Zen888
If you know of healthy ways to set boundaries with her and to say no to her when required without making her act out in angry way towards me or abandon me as a friend, I would greatly appreciate it. 
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Hi Zen888,
I have an OCD friend too, she didn't even know what she had for the longest time, she thought she was crazy.
I can explain your friend’s actions in simple “Order of operations”.
1.You kinda said yes
2. You hinted that you couldn't afford it right now.
In your friends mind
1 You kinda said yes, which means “yes” because she probably understand kinda.
In order to check that off her list she has to see you make the commitment by getting out you cheque book. “Step 1 complete”, now on to step 2.
2 You hinted that you couldn't afford it right now. “This is a 2 part statement”
2 Part 1. She understands that you can't afford it right now, so she acknowledges that in her response. “Step 2 Part 1 complete.”
2 Part 2. You said: right now. Which means you can later, right? 2 Part 2 is still open so... In order to address operation 2 Part 2 She asks: can I put you down as an IOU donation for $25? “Your yes or no will complete the order of operations”
You have to realize that it’s not about you; it’s about that charity and the commitment that she made to it.
My friend once told me: You don’t understand. My life is a nightmare “she was in tears at the time”. She asked: How can you just throw your papers on your desk and walk away? How can you do that? How can you just leave them there, it’s wrong! Why can’t you see that? That was before she knew What OCD was.
My friend’s life is triplicate. She has a sticky note “to buy more sticky notes” on a table by her front door. Lift the sticky note and there’s another one, lift that one and there’s another one, just for in case. Ask her why and she’ll say: Well you never know.
You have to understand that she doesn’t do these things because she wants to, or doesn’t care, or is willingly abusive towards you. She does them because she has to. That’s OCD.
It’s hard to be around OCD people, especially if you don’t understand. However, if you watch and listen, you’ll begin recognize your friend’s patterns. When you gain a better understanding of the world that she lives in it becomes much easier to be friends.
Hope that helps
Bruce.
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