</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
your presence in the children's lives

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

I am sorry, but I have no presence in their lives but a few hours every other weekend now that he is actually letting me see them again. We go to the park, or maybe we will eat. That's BARELY involvement. I want to numb these feelings. I am considering downing the last of my hydrocodones from my recent trip to the ER. It's only four tablets, not enough to do something stupid and I don't want to do anything like that anyway, but it's enough to numb the emotion for the night. I already had cravings tonight to take laxies, etc., before I found out about missing graduation. I am still thinking. I really think I might do the hydrocodone, though. I work in pharmacy, it's not like that serious if I take four of them at once. Maybe at least two. I don't know. Maybe I will take four. I don't know.