I think this is sorely needed...

(Q) Are you taking the advice of people on this board or just blowing them off?

(A) Yes, I sure am. In fact, I spent several hours with a dear freind of mine here on IM's and worked through many of my issues. I've also got an appointment to get an EKG, Cardiac Study, MVP test and a C-Spine MRI in a few weeks to rule out any physical causes of my anxiety. I also got a refil on my meds (Lorazepam) and a new one, Effexor.

(Q) Do you admit that you have anxiety?

(A) You bet!. I've had it for many, many years. I am a veteran at all the ER visits, tests, etc. I've been there and back again with this thing. I also think that part of the reason I feel the way I do most of the time is due to benzo withdrawal and rebound anxiety. Yes, I think that is a big part of the puzzle because I know how benzos work (oh my do I know!). But yes, I confess, I have had numerous diagnoses from countless doctors saying that I suffer from GAD, PA's, Depression, Hypo, OCD, etc. Guilty as charged!.

(Q) Why do you keep complaining about your anxiety over and over again when everyone has already told you that you are suffering from anxiety and not some horrible disease?

(A) This is probably due to my OCD and the constant need for reassurance (ie; reassurance-seeking behavior). So I have a problem, post about it, get my "fix" (in the form of replies) and then I'm sort of ok until the next time. Of course, noone but a licensed physician can really tell me wether I have a "real" disease or not so I'll wait for the test results to come back (which will not be diagnostic for EVERYTHING) but WILL rule out a few major things.

(Q) Why are'nt you answering my PM's/IM's...I'm trying to help you!!

(A) You know, it's really tough when you have someone who wants to help you but your at work, on another computer, do not have an IM client installed and your just under a lot of pressure and don't really want to hurt the person's feelings by saying "no, I can't talk now". You don't want them to feel rejected but what can you do?. I have a life too. I run a business, I work, I live on a farm and have animals that need tended to, I have bills to pay, groceries to shop for, programming and lots of other computer work to do (I run three large site). It's just not that easy to break away and chat all the time.

(Q) So how have you felt today?

(A) Well, my morning was rough but I took a 1mg Lorazepam and the rest of the day I've felt really calm and relaxed. I've got lots of refills left and other meds I can take as well but I'd really like to taper down and get on something more permenant (like the Effexor). I've been submitting my new Anxiety Diary program to software sites all day and shopping for hurricane supplies. I livein Florida and they are predicting some really severe ones this time around!.

(Q) Who the heck is "Bill"?

(A) Someone asked me this earlier (although not in those exact terms). Now that I think about it, When I first opened an account here I used the name "Tim" (my real name) but then one day things got a little heated and so I decided to open a new account (to get a fresh start) and I used the name "Bill". Then, for whatever reason, I switched back to Tim again and have been using my real name ever since.

(Q) Instead of posting about your own problems all the time, how about helping other people with their's once in awhile?

(A) So true. I really am guilty of this more and more lately. In the beginning (and still, every once in awhile when I can muster up the strength) I try to go down the list and answer as many posts as I can (ones that I have an answer to anyway). Lately though, it's been tough for me because I have been so consumed by anxiety and related probs.

(Q) Why did you get upset and put me on ignore earlier (you know who you are)

(A) Sorry, probably an overreaction on my part. This morning was like Murphy's law to the *nth power. I mean, everything was going horribly wrong, my stress and anxiety were building up, people were PM'ing and IM'g me wanting to talk, asking questions and I could'nt respond and I was feeling misunderstood and so many things I had to get done (under lots of pressure), customers calling, etc. My life can get really hectic and I think I need a vacation sometimes.

Well, I guess that's it for now. Everything is fine, I am dilligently working with my doctor and others and I really DO read and take intio account every post, reply and piece of advice I recieve and never take them for granted because good advice and good friends are just too hard to find these days