WOW, bruce. that was a really helpful post. i only got diagnosed with OCD (very mild) a month back, but having it spelt out like that was like . made sense to me .

zen - i understand wanting to take a step back from your friend. that is ok. but i think it is unhelpful (to you, ultimately) if you place the blame for this solely on your friend's OCD behaviours.

e.g., your friends description of what she does in the shower - i am like - but doesn't everyone do this? my typical showers last 15-20mins also. but i have stayed with friends who haven't had a problem with this. they don't hear about my OCD stuff and think they are not "up to par". that is a judgement you are making on yourself - not something that your friend is responsible for.

you don't "have" to walk on egg shells around her, nor do you "have" to be intensely shy around her. my friends may ask about my shower routine, and when i tell them, they just shrug and say "sucks to be you". i think they have healthy boundaries and don't think that just because i think something is right for me that it must also be something that they need to measure up to.

as i said, i completely respect your decision to keep your distance from your friend. i keep away from ppl who trigger me too, even though it is my vulnerabilites that enable those triggers. but yeah... i just thought it might be helpful to point out how your perceptions play a role in this, just in case you do want to work on it and be friends with her again in time.