I'm new here but need to feel I'm not alone in what's happening to me.

First a little history. Nine years ago my oldest son committed suicide on his 19th birthday. Needless to say I lost it. Well it didn't end there. That tramatic event triggered my PTSD for events that occured while I was in the military. (Not actual combat, but life threatening)
I question why I survived or even if surviving was worth it.

I take Zolof for the PTSD and it does control the flashbacks. At least I'm not tackling people because of sniper fire, or hidding under furniture anymore. The anxiety and night terrors are bad. I'm afraid to go to sleep most of the time. The only thing that helps is Lorazapam and that is so addictive I only take it when I haven't slept for a couple days or am shaking so hard I can't even hold a spoon to eat.

The doctors say it will never completely stop. I'm really getting tired of everything.