I understand completly what your going thru. My husband and I havent went thru anything like that but it has always been my worst fear...to want him so bad and for him to turn his back on me. I feel ur pain. Hang in there. It might seem like ur life began with him but it really has not and it wont end with him. Take control of ur emotions. Stressing urself with the whys? and what could i have dones? Is pointless. Its like being in a rocking chair...it gets u going but u get no where. As i write out these words to u im taking it in myself. Im also apllying it to my own situation.

What part of nyc are u?