This isn't a story about Walmart, but it shares some similarities with mrsdork's situation...

Several years ago, an employer I had became annoyed with me when I couldn't remember the exact steps required to complete a process. She had briefly trained me on the process several months earlier when I'd been hired but I'd not had to use that procedure since that time. What I needed was just a brief refresher but rather than provide that, she rapped me (hard) on my head with her knuckles and said, "Think!"

When I later shared the story with my sister, she responded by saying, "I would have punched her in the gut and said -- Breathe!"

ha ha! My sister's response really cracked me up, which was good because a bit of humor lightened the situation while also allowing me to feel she had "heard" the injustice that took place. My employer was certainly out of line: it's not acceptable business practice to go around striking your employees when they ask for help. I appreciated my sister's ability to recognize that while also making me laugh.

pachyderm: I do not agree with the tone that this discussion has taken. It is not helpful. It is one more example of people being triggered and taking it out on other people.

Sometimes we just want to be heard and to have our experience validated. We don't want ideas, we don't want suggestions. But we might not always present that information clearly.

mrsdork, it sounds like what you most needed was to be heard and validated. In reviewing the thread, I think that validation is there. But I also think others were confused because you'd asked for suggestions on how to cope with the anger you were feeling. It seems as if other people responding in kind served as a kind of re-triggering process for you -- in spite of asking for it, you weren't in a space where you could receive because you first had to get the anger out.

I agree with yourself and the others who can see that the Walmart greeter's actions were very unprofessional and inappropriate. I can also see why her response to you would be interpreted as a form of personal violation -- she's in your face, she's accusatory in her actions, she reaches out and touches you. Triggery stuff? Hell, yeah! I know another woman who'd punch someone in the throat for something like that. I suppose it met her needs at that time to re-establish boundaries and keep others from transgressing them, even as we might all agree it's not the most ideal response.

However I also agree with the suggestions of others that when we are angry, when we are triggered, a very good skill to develop is that of stepping back and as my sister humorously suggested -- finding the space to breathe. It reasserts those boundary lines and also gives us an opportunity to find our center once more so we don't feel small, powerless or out-of-control. This is one of the difficult aspects to deal with as well -- how we feel when we are triggered. Ideally, we want to be able to maintain our own self-control because it is the only thing we really can control.

Part of restoring that sense of self-control is learning how to identify what we actually need and being able to express that. Maybe, mrsdork, you knew what you needed but you felt you had to pair it with some degree of social compliancy, i.e., there may have been some thought process in your head that said, "I have to be open to suggestions from others even though all I really want to do is to dump and vent and get that out of my system first. Until that's gone, I won't be able to listen to suggestions or draw lines of responsibility." This is something we learn in the recovery process too: how to recognize our own needs and present them to be met while also recognizing the needs of the other and respecting those. It's a fine line sometimes.

Overall, I know you said that you'd be unregistering but I'd like to suggest that you use this time to step away, breathe, find your center, and then come back if you feel comfortable doing so. Everyday situations that can trigger us is part of the process; so too, is learning how to deal with them in a way that leaves us with our dignity intact and ideally, the other person's too.

~ Namaste