Hi Lauru,
I'm sorry your having such troubles... My daughter went through the same thing for years... she has done well for the last 6 and I always keep my fingers crossed for many more .. This seems to be a common problem for those with Bipolar Disorder, I wish I had answers for you... Just hope things get better for you soon.. As you can see from the other post.... you are not alone...

Hang in there, HUGS

B. C. Levinson
Author - " I just want my Daughter back - Coming to terms with Bipolar 1 "