Deli deli deli, you sound ranting, raving, spitting-mad plain old triggered. I can understand why too - those ole abandonment issues sure have a way of kicking our butts.

But wait. I've read that one should never ever ever make an important decision while acting on strong emotion. I think thats a pretty good maxim to live by.

Since right now you seem to be right in the throes of a triggered type of reaction, i wonder if it will be possible for you to hold off on ACTION until the feelings have calmed down? Go right ahead and feel those feelings, rant and rave or whatever you have to do to process your way through them - but see if you can wait to make a decision until the feelings have settled down and you are operating with your clear headed thinking self again. If, in that space, your thoughts match up with your feelings then you can still go right ahead and cancel or whatever you need to do. The beauty of it will be that you will have the benefit of making a decision that the whole of you believes in.

JIt's ust one possible way of dealing with what is going on for you, I guess.