When I went to T today he told me right away what is wrong with his back. He knew I was scared because of my parents and their cancers (I had left him a message) and he got it. I promised him I wouldn't bring him a heating pad and some chicken soup or whatever So, we were able to talk about it, and it felt normal and comfortable.

I started the session feeling very grounded and adult. I told him I am about to start guitar lessons (yay!) and I shared that I needed to use some bad coping skills after our last session, but that it never got out of control and felt like a success. We talked some about my different parts, he was telling me what their strengths are, and that when they are integrated, all of those strengths will be a part of me.

I could feel myself starting to slip away. It scared me - I wanted to stay "there" and grown up, because it felt good. He told me to try not fighting it. That maybe someone else needed something, and it was okay.

I asked him to come and hold my hand and he did. We spent the rest of the session (as far as I can remember) just sitting and holding hands. He was sort of rubbing my hand with his thumb. I could feel my young part there very strongly, but I am not usually co-conscious with her, so it was very different. I remember T asking me at one point what I was thinking and I just shook my head, and he said "are you just being?" and I nodded and he said "that's what I thought" and we just sat there for the rest of session. I don't know how long it was - but I am guessing it was....15 minutes? Maybe 20?? I could feel my little part just being loved and cared for and still. He gave her a big hug while we were sitting there, and it felt like it just reached down into my soul, into the darkest part of me.

I left feeling really calm and fine. There is a word that my little part uses to describe the SA that happened when we were young, and she's been repeating that word in my head over and over and over again since last weekend. She's QUIET now.

I just feel....fine. Loved. Still. Like I can breathe.

It feels good