bilv, I can relate to your feelings of needing somebody. When my relationship ended with my boyfriend ten years ago I was petrified with the responsibilites of taking care of my child, house, and farm. I had always had him there to know what to do and I was so scared because I didn't know how I could manage on my own.

I had/have the support of a wise therapist who said to take it one day at a time. I also have some support from my mother. I have few friends but my internet virtual friends help me alot.

I have found that I can take care of some things but there are still some things I need help with. My BF used to cut down trees and split them into firewood and haul it to our house to burn. Clearly I can't cut down trees but I did find people who would deliver wood and a couple of times people cut wood on my property and gave me some and they took some.

Caring for the lawn is difficult for me. I don't know why. I know how to use a lawnmower but I didn't and the weeds grew waist high and I was so embarrassed but I finally found somebody who would weedeat for me.

Cleaning my house is the most difficult thing for me to do. When I have some money left over (seldom) I hire a friend to come clean for me and pay her. That is really the biggest struggle that I deal with and I realize that I really do need help. I just can't do it myself, at least at this point in my life.

It is okay to need help. It actually is how families and communities were bonded a hundred years ago but with the onset of cars people became mobile and no longer had the groups working together to support each other.

Sometimes I just need a positive word or to talk about something that bothers me. Usually I look to my internet friends to talk me through it.

I wish you the best and I know how scary it is to be alone and not know if you can make it. If you ever just need to talk PM me and I will be there to support you.