(((((((catgirl))))))))

You're welcome to come here and write when you need to. We're an understanding group, and a lot of us have been there. I feel like it really helps to be able to talk to other people who have had some of the same kinds of experiences that I have.

It sounds like you have a lot going on. More than I can hope to address with you here, and it's going to take time and working through it with your therapist. There is no substitute for that. There is a book that helped me to understand a lot (well, I read a lot of books, but one that I feel impressed to tell you about right now). That is "Women Who Hurt Themselves," by Dusty Miller. I got it from the library by requesting it - interlibrary loan. It might help you to understand some of why you feel like hurting yourself in various ways.

Also, on the weight issue, I'm shorter than you are and finding it interesting that being less than 100 pounds seems desirable to both of us. I want to lose 25 pounds, but I don't think I ever will be able to. I guess that 100 sounds good since it's a nice, even number. I wonder if it would help to consider that numbers on the scale are really pretty arbitrary. In the metric system, 50 kg makes a good, even number. That translates to 110 pounds, which is a little more reasonable maybe, and you're already under it. I'm still stuck at 55 kg, but even 5 kg over doesn't seem so bad as it would in pounds somehow. Still, wanting to be extremely thin is another way of hurting yourself, so that's another thing to consider.

Oh, and I don't like the sound of your wrist. It sounds like it could be infected or something. Would you consider letting a doctor see it?

Take Care,
Rap