(((sw))))

you are trying hard, and i admire you for that . one thing that concerns me is that you said is that she "ALWAYS" ignores the deep important issues. i think this is probably the first thing you need to address.

would it be possible for you to do a list of dot points and say: these are the things i want to work through, and i want to start with this one first? if she still ignores you then, you have a good opportunity to discuss why she won't discuss that topic with you. sometimes my pdoc has said "we aren't going there just yet because i don't think it's the right time" (e.g., he has a holiday coming up and doesn't want to leave it hanging). but other times he has said "we aren't going there" and given me a reason, and i've been able to say - that's a sucky reason, and so we've gone there.

but if your T has a blanket refusal to go to the deep issues that you need help with - then that is something about her, not you.

as for the other stuff you mentioned - oh gosh, it's hard, innit? i'm so scared of being abandoned too, and if i remind pdoc then he is GREAT as returning my calls, but sometimes he must just get busy or absent minded and he doesn't and it kills. so i totally relate to feeling vulnerable with the email thing.