Well technically I guess yesterday was my extra session as I always go on Mondays. She generally keeps the same slot for each person. She for whatever reason offered me yesterday before she went on her trip at our last session saying that was the day after she got back from vacation and had a couple of open slots still. So I think she was trying to make it so I only missed one session while she was gone and not two.

I think it just angered me that she thinks I need her. But I think it bothers me deep down that anybody would think I need them because I've always been rather independent not needing anyone. I think I do need others, but its just the way I grew up not really having anyone to depend on or trust and being abused emotionally that I have kind of enveloped this idea that I don't need anyone and resent anyone that thinks I might need them. Geez I don't know if that would even make sense to anyone else. She also said "I know I'm the only person you have". Which is kinda true though I have a couple of trusted friends, but she doesn't have to be so blunt about it that my family is not supportive or emotionally there for me.

What I don't understand is how both my T's have sometimes looked red faced and blotchy with sad eyes like they were going to cry when I have talked about bad stuff. Seriously I don't get it how they look like they are going to cry. Why should they cry? They are just a paid friendship is all T's are if truth me known. I feel bad that nobody would meet up with be just to chat once a week as a friend and I have to pay someone to do that.