It's not totally counter intuitive that people like us should want to help other f***ed up people. I'd like to work with abused people or animals some day when I am well. Why? Already had it happen to me so I get them, why they can't trust anyone, why they're shy/withdrawn, etc.

It's okay to laugh at my getting fired from a job I hated. I still think it's funny. The interview I was on such that caused me to be late I actually got the job and that was the animal caretaker position, which I loved.

And I have had alcohol abuse problems too. Never missed a day of work on account of it, but have arrived hung over. Bad me. Anyway, I hope you're talking to a professional about your problems w/alcohol. I've cut way back, but I do drink too much sometimes on occasion. Self-sabotage sucks. Don't let your depression get to the point of being suicidal before you call your T or P-doc. This is even if you don't lose your job. Better to check in than to just be worrying and drinking. The meds won't probably ever cure your craving if you're an alcoholic or you have that gene running in your family. I know they don't cure mine. Take care of yourself.