Quote:
Originally Posted by thinker22
It's not totally counter intuitive that people like us should want to help other f***ed up people. I'd like to work with abused people or animals some day when I am well. Why? Already had it happen to me so I get them, why they can't trust anyone, why they're shy/withdrawn, etc.
It's okay to laugh at my getting fired from a job I hated. I still think it's funny. The interview I was on such that caused me to be late I actually got the job and that was the animal caretaker position, which I loved.
And I have had alcohol abuse problems too. Never missed a day of work on account of it, but have arrived hung over. Bad me. Anyway, I hope you're talking to a professional about your problems w/alcohol. I've cut way back, but I do drink too much sometimes on occasion. Self-sabotage sucks. Don't let your depression get to the point of being suicidal before you call your T or P-doc. This is even if you don't lose your job. Better to check in than to just be worrying and drinking. The meds won't probably ever cure your craving if you're an alcoholic or you have that gene running in your family. I know they don't cure mine. Take care of yourself.  |
Hey, thanks for this. I know I still have my job it's just my depressive cycle threatening to present itself and so I am conflated between paranoia and confidence. I have talked to my shrink over and over about my alcohol abuse. I know what I need to do, but my f***ed up brain doesn't comprehend that feelings of worthlessness and the desire to block all kinds of pain with alcohol should not drive me to it. I have not confirmed this but I think alcoholism is probably present in my lineage--I know I get like my Dad when I am intoxicated--highly volatile with emotions and very narcissistic. I thank God that I do not get angry--I just blather on, on, on, about my feelings of self-importance et. al. Why I have not gotten a DWI is beyond me but I am working on that. These days I will stay in my car, in the parking lot until such a time that I can drive. Usually I end up sleeping in my car, get cricks in my neck, drive home, shower, then show up at work hung over. I did that 3 times this week. When I know I want to drink I will usually stay home. It is when I have poor impulse control and pop in a pub after work that tend to get in trouble with overdrinking--and then putting myself and others in harms way by driving. I am working on this, though. My relationship just ended and I suck at coping with loss. That's why I am so f****d up right now. I wish I were not this way. I do not think that I am a failure, though. I am ill is all. Jesus, I want to cry. The least I can say about being Bipolar is in spite of it, I have not successfully killed myself because of it, nor do I want to. Van Gogh, Beethoven, Kurt Vonnegut, Hemingway--supposedly they too were Bipolar. They're not exactly losers, now are they? There is hope for me--us-- yet.
