We've been in marriage counseling with the same therapist I go to for individual therapy.

Basically, our marriage is 100% perfect....except for the sex life. There is no sex life. We often go 6, maybe 9 months with NO sexual contact whatsoever. And very little affection at all - kissing, hugging, etc.

So, since starting therapy, of course it's on our mind. So we're making an effort to show more affection, more hugs, more kisses, and we finally had sex once after a 6 month dry spell.

But in therapy, we're not really addressing WHY there is no sex. Sure, she can give us a homework assignment to go home and have some sex, but how does that fix the past 7 years of dry spells? How do we figure out the CAUSE, so we can FIX it for GOOD??

We've been together almost 9 years total, married for 4. The first 2 years we were together, the sex was amazing, all the time, that's all we really did when we saw each other. We were dating long-distance, only saw each other on the weekends, but every single time we saw each other there was sex. Then I moved away and we didn't see each other for about 6 months, but then I moved back home and we moved in together. And the sex was all downhill from there.

I've gone through a million reasons why. Maybe it's my weight. Maybe he's gay. Maybe he's asexual. Maybe there is some physical problem (although his testosterone has been checked, and it was normal). Maybe he's just plain not attracted to me in that way anymore, but he still loves me enough to stay together. I don't know.

I really want to know the reason WHY. But we're not addressing that in therapy.

Why not?

And the thing is, I've mentioned several times in therapy that "I just want to know why." But she ignores me.

Anyone know why she wouldn't even want to address the reasons?