You have good questions, I appreciate it when people give me something to think through.

She knows about the attempted rape that led to PTSD...but I have not told her of the near suicide afterwards. (I talked myself out of attempting). I find myself freezing up when I try. I tend to flashback and relive the experience when I try.

I have been afraid to tell her I want my good days back. I am afraid of looking like a typical non compliant bipolar patient...my natural highs are pretty mild really. My Zoloft hypomania was why I started Lithium, the drug really sent me higher than I have ever been. What I really want is to not be depressed, but i will settle for mood swings if that's all I can get! I know this is dumb...but I didn't think I was signing up for mood stabilizers and antipsychotics when I asked her for help with postpartum depression...

My hubby is very understanding, and he is super supportive. He just wants me to be happy. He says I am a good mom and a good nurse and a good wife, and he wants me to be able to enjoy those things. He knew me for 10 years before I got diagnosed, and loved me and our marriage. He sees no need to change his attitude towards me or the marriage now.