Okay, I just figured out the whole thanks button, so sorry I haven't thanked everyone else who's been so helpful in posting threads like these and responding to my questions and concerns before now. You are all awesome!

As for progress in therapy, well, for the first time in my life I'm doing regular in person therapy and have done so for about 5 weeks now. Have another appt later this week. The first therapist I saw earlier this year in person for 8 sessions was a total disaster. I felt like she was judging me from day 1 and I was paranoid after the hospital incident like I might be carted away at any moment, so I put up my walls and never let her in. I was told I had to go to stay in school so I just kept checking the clock and hoping it would be over soon. Obviously made no progress.

But this new therapist is very understanding and kind (doesn't scowl at me or just tell me to take vitamin D like the other one). I was finally able to admit that the hospital incident wasn't a mistake and I really was severely depressed and suicidal and the wake up call may have saved my life or at least from an attempt. I'm still not telling him everything, but I think I'm making some progress as I'm able to talk to my partner now about my feelings and condition and even my mom too, who I'd been estranged from only in that I never told her my problems because she had so many of her own with my brother, my dad and her relatives. Now she realizes that I'm not as strong as she thought I was. I'd rather be seen as strong, but I know I can't handle all their problems too. So it's getting better, slowly but surely.