Julie,

Those are all really great questions. When you find the answers you will have a good understanding of yourself. Nobody can answer them for you though. They are the kind of questions that a therapist might encourage you to try to answer for yourself. I think that it is good that you are aware of the questions, and I hope that you do some exploring and find the answers. I know that you have been doing better lately, but even so, therapy would probably help you with understanding yourself and getting the most that you can out of life and reaching your potential. Therapy isn't for everybody, because many people are not willing to ask those kinds of questions. People like you who do ask deserve to find their answers.