I have really been struggling with anger this past week. I keep visualizing telling my ex lover that I hate him and despise him for setting me up the way he did. All during those last 5 months I was sending periodic texts that were intimate, sharing my feelings with him, he was busy working on his new relationship without even telling me. I feel exposed and foolish.

The ironic thing is that I have done exactly the same thing to my husband. I am having some trouble reconciling my anger over the injustice while also being guilty of the same thing.

My plan is to never actually see him again (though I may actually see him next spring when my classes begin again and he teaches on the campus I attend--if we both end up with classes in the same time frame...) which would be good in every way except one--I have this secret pet desire to have him see me now that I've lost 20lbs (hopefully 25lbs by then) and be sorry for leaving.

What a painful screw up! I wish I could just move on already.