nothing you spoke of disgusts me. i suppose that's what wrong with people like us. these things are "normal" to us. i don't throw up my food. about ten years ago i tried rather unsuccessfully. i ended up in the hospital with pneumonia because i aspirated food into my lungs and ended up with a reflux problem that i needed medication to correct. the drs. said if the problem wasn't fixed then they would do some type of surgery which would result in no being able to even burp when i needed. guess that scared the crap out of me. since then, the only time i've thrown up is when i had morning sickness which i tried hard to fight against. i have had problems with laxative abuse, chew/spit, not eating nor drinking, compulsive exercising, bingeing, diet pills...just about everything else i could think of. these are all very embarrassing to admit but i know that anyone who has an ed. thinks nothing of it. please, don't believe that those with ed. at lower weight than you can't relate to the same feelings you go through. if you could put my mind on a screen, what i see is the same as what you see when you look in the mirror. i know this because i saw fat no matter how low i got which was 78lbs. at my worst. thanks for welcoming me into the forum. it's a comfort to know that there's a place i can go when i feel alone. oh, and the cutting in one place made sense to me too. i once made two perpendicular slices--one across my chest and the second from top chest down to just above my belly button. i decided i didn't want to be a chopped up mess so i confined it to my wrist. it's a little frustrating because sometime i feel the impulse to burn/cut before my last episode is healed. the anxiety really builds then when i don't have an outlet.