thanks for your suggestions. i keep skimming the other forums and looking up resources mentioned. i'm gathering some info. but still don't seem to have a good grasp on understanding it all. the tools? well scissors are ones i for clipping eyebrows (very tiny, sharp, pointed). i use a screw driver for burning. so it's usually in my tool box. i'm a single mom and have learned to do some things on my own. right now, i'm putting together some cheap metal shelves to put in the boys' closets. i have ADD and typically, I've had a hard time finishing my project. i don't know about getting rid these "tools" because i use them for other constructive activities. it's kinda like when i went through a spell of cutting with knives. i eventually just gave it up. the knives are still in the kitchen drawer. you need knives in the kitchen for food. i hate to sound like i'm making excuses. i'm just sharing the realistic implications. it's not as simple as just getting rid of them.

my T is very good but i've gathered that progress will be slow. also, i don't want to delve into my past. i don't want to remember. that triggers all kinds of crap and what good is it anyway? what's done is done. can anyone tell me why T's want you to talk about your past and try to remember things you can't remember?

once again, thank you all for caring enough to write. i can't tell you how much it really does help me feel better just to know there are others out there who share similar issues