i'm glad you got your kids. i wasn't that fortunate at first because after being discharged from the hospital, i went to stay with a friend and didn't return. my ex wouldn't let me have my boys and the cops said that couldn't help unless there was a physical tug of war on the children. i wouldn't put my kids through that. once, he agreed to meet me but then when he found out that i had obtained a couple of extra car seats, he grabbed both boys and strapped them in their seats while they were both screaming and crying for moma. (up till the time i left, i took care of the boys 98% of the time. he was always working on his own stuff) anyway, it ripped my heart out. the police and courts were useless to me. i took on debt that wasn't mine (i was kept out of the finances our whole marriage) because i was told that if i didn't then everything would be sold out from under my ex and i didn't want the boys to lose their house/land they were used to. i knew the division between their mom and dad was hard enough and i was trying to protect them from as much trauma as possible. now, probably toward the end of summer, i'll finally go through bankruptcy. slowly, over the past three years, i've gotten myself to a place where i'm living independently (shared custody of the children) in a public housing development and attending college to finish my degree. it will take me a few years because of my ADD but this semester i finally signed up with the learning disorders center at the university. i share this with you to give you hope. you can make it and you've made the most difficult step. it's going to be hard but it's worth it. life will get better.