More thoughts of self harm today. Aren't even words for how I feel. Gaping hole of depression ripping my guts out. On the way home I thought of finding a sharp instrument to shove into my jugular. I won't do it, but that's how bad I feel. Like I'm already dead, but the pain of feeling this way tells me I'm still alive. And I don't want to live feeling this way. It feels like it never ends. I feel like giving up on days like this.