Hi everyone,
...I find a reason why each activity wouldn't work. Another thought I've been having, and it is something that I worry about, is that it seems like I don't even care if I get better.

First - welcome to the site - I'm happy that you took the time to post and talk about what is going on. You are making complete sense.

For me it's so much easier to believe that I don't care about getting better, but when I stop and realize the "suffering" I'm in I wonder if there is another way b/c it sucks to get to the point of SI'ing and then dealing with the self hatred after.

Cutting is a reaction, it's not a choice. I just don't think you were bored one day and thought maybe I'll start hurting myself. Something deeper is going on and you took it out on yourself. The great news is that you got into therapy to start working on you and your reactions.

I don't think you need to be so hard on yourself about having a hard time finding other ways. Cutting is addictive physically and mentally so it may take some time.

It's almost like I enjoy this whole process, for whatever messed-up reason. Shouldn't I want to get better? I think it's because I know that I'll miss talking to someone when I end counseling.

Wow, I can totally relate to that. I talked to my therapist about that, I was kinda ashamed of feeling that way but I thought I was scared of getting better b/c I would lose the relationship. Here is the thing, just b/c I stop the behavior does not mean that I am "cured". It's learning to live with new behaviors. I think when it is time there will be a comfort level and you'll want to. I know for me, my T was great about reassuring me that it's normal to feel this way.

This all sounds confusing to me. Does this make sense? Has anyone gone through something like this before?