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From someone who has an eating disorder and SI's I can tell you that it's not about "bad" or "good" - it's about what works and what doesn't to create a life that I want to have that has focus and purpose.
Both SI'ing and ED's are about hurting & hating yourself. When I am acting on them they also provide me with a way to avoid what is going on and focus on hating myself. It rips at the core of self esteem and provides me wtih even more evidence that I am a failure.
You've asked some great questions; the question for you is are you willing to feel the "suffering" that you are going through that causes you to hurt yourself. There are some moments I am and others that I am not. I have found my therapists office to be the safest place to learn to feel and talk about the urges and the shame/hurt/fear etc...
This is tough stuff and for a long time I did not care - I just wanted to react by SI'ing and having an ED. I guess what has changed is that all this energy I put forth could be used in a more positive way and I want that. To explore my creativity w/o feeling like a failure before I even begin. To just feel comfortable in my own skin for a few minutes a day w/o feeling like I don't measure up to.
Even if you are not there yet, don't stop b/c it took me a long time to even consider something new. Thanks for having the courage and insight to ask the quesitons - I hope you will discuss it with your therapist.
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