FooZe; I guess I feel like I AM treating myself like a normal person... Maybe not...? I'm a little confused.

P7; Thank you. I'm glad people here seeme for who I really am, although... Still not sure that this is a good thing Of course being seen for the bright and caring person I am is a good thing, just not the other angry and depressed side of me..

Today was the first day of yet another starve. No matter how painful it was, I did sit ups and wouldn't stop until I'd done my full 150... I plan to do more tonight. Connor and I have set a plan that every weekend he will come over to stay with me and we will do an hour of exercise for every day that he is there. I can't wait! But I have to set myself up for competition.. I feel I have to be able to do more situps, pressups, crunches etc, than him. I'm so competitive and if I don't win, I fail basically..

I don't know.. He doesn't know that I'm starving again, but my friend has asked that I promise her that tomorrow I tell ED counsellor about how much I'm struggling and that I've started my starve again. I've lost 8lbs in the past 2 weeks... A friend of mine who is anorexic said that she's worried about me and she knows that counsellor - if she's a good one -- which she is --- will be concerned. Brilliant. Just effing brilliant. I don't want her to notice, but since she hasn't seen me for 2 weeks and I've lost 8lbs in that time... Surely she will.. Right?

Just want to hide away, feel like I can't face the world, especially not her. I forced myself to exercise today, it really hurt, I keep walking too fast for my legs to keep up and not hurt, I keep pushing myself too much, cleaning my flat, getting outside and doing lots of walking, doing sit ups, crunches, weights, whatever I can to just get thin... Have control.. Have something to do.

If Connor knew, he'd go nuts