Dealing with the same thing Exi. It feels terrible to hurt all the time and it seems like it will never end. I just want to get better/feel better too. I'm listening to my docs, going to therapy, and still I'm weak, tired, depressed, and obsessively thinking about death when I have the power to think at all. Stupid chemistry! I'm sorry you're feeling extremely sad. Remember the good days you've had and that they were preceded by bad days. It will get better. Talk to your docs about adjusting your meds. If you are in a really bad state and can't resist harming yourself, go to a hospital emergency room. This is your life and I believe we only get one. This is important. You are loved even if it doesn't seem so right now.