I have been dx w PTSD, BPD, DDNOS, Bipolar II...blah,blah,blah...

I guess for me, the most daunting and haunting part is that I don't remember what the trauma was... I mean, I have had things happen to me that I have survived, sure, but I remember them - like extreme domestic violence and relationship rape for 4 yrs, but that was in my early 20's, long after my symptoms began; like witnessing 2 separate fatal road accidents, one involving my friend; like finding another good friend who cut her wrists then spending hours cleaning her blood off the bathroom walls/ceiling/windows/ shower/floor etc; like selling myself for drugs and the hell that comes with that life - and I could go on but I'm sure you get the picture so I digress... my point is, I started taking drugs at 10 and was drinking solidly by 13, and I don't remember most of my childhood. Apparently my issues that I'm currently having (now mid-30's) are reflective of a childhood trauma that I don't remember. I think I've got enough to work out without digging for stuff that may or may not exist.
Yeah, I've read the info, and yeah, I have to agree, I fit the profiles, but what does it all mean?? I don't remember...I don't remember...I just don't remember so so much, even my kids growing up. Why do I remember yuky stuff, but not the good stuff?
I'm rambling. Sorry. Had intense session w 2 x T's today...feeling a bit shell-shocked. Thanx for listening....