Okay, I am thinking out loud on these boards a lot right now because I am trying to figure out what is going on with me, and hoping someone has input/ideas.

T has a hurt back. It's not serious, but it does affect him - he has to sit a certain way, he can't do some of the things in his normal life (like go running), it's uncomfortable. I only know about it because I saw him the day after it was hurt and it was really bothering him enough that he knew I would notice and he wanted me to know why he wasn't his normal self.

I swear, I can not do therapy while he is hurt.

I was raised by alcoholics and RULE NUMBER ONE is don't bother people who don't feel well. Well, I don't know if that was rule number one (that was probably actually "stay out of the way or you'll be sorry"). It is SO INGRAINED in me to not make trouble for anyone, but especially people who aren't feeling well.

I've learned in T that it is okay to have needs and feelings, and I've accepted that, and I can even tell him about my needs and feelings and know it will be accepted and okay and I won't get in trouble or abandoned or hurt or anything. I'll just be heard and cared for. That was a hard lesson to learn, took a long time, but I feel like I kind of "get it" now.

But with T hurt, all bets are off. Even though T has clearly explained to me that he has a great support system and it's nothing serious, just painful, and even though I PROMISED that I wouldn't "take care" of him, I can't help it. I just can NOT put my needs ahead of his when he is hurt. I know that's why I haven't been calling, why I've been shut down in session, etc. TOTAL transference reaction, I can see that, but I just can't get past it.

It makes me want to cry to even think about it. I can't imagine going in there and being honest and telling him my real feelings and needs while he's hurt. And since it's his back, it will probably be a long term thing. I can't do it. It's way way way way too scary.

I hate that I have come so far in therapy and in some ways I feel like I'm right back at the beginning because of this. I feel guilty even complaining about it because HE IS HURT. I just can't wrap my mind around how to do this.

Help???