I have an appointment with my T/prescriber tomorrow. I don't think I have the guts to tell her that I wake up thinking "oh god, I woke up again". I feel like I will disappoint her. After almost 5 months I feel like I am sliding back to where I began.

I HATE DEPRESSION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am so angry that being a good patient and doing whatever the T says has gotten me nowhere....and saying NO to T last week didn't go well. She seemed taken aback, and acted like she was thinking intensely about something in the back of her head the whole time she was talking to me. She'll probably give up on me. Everyone else in real life has eventually, except for hubby. Thank God for him. I really hope I misinterpreted my T.

She asked me to call her and make more appointments when I had my work schedule...why would she do that after making it seem like she thought I was pathetic and lonely and there was nothing she could do to teach me to trust? I was going to leave a message on her voice mail that I thought she was mean and I wasn't coming back. Of course she had to ANSWER the PHONE and acted all happy to hear from me...so I made the appointments.