Oh, and about your thoughts of dying. Depending on your mood and state, I think everyone dwells on it from time to time without it being negative. It is something that we all have to come to grips with. If you find it becoming a morbid fascination and you either really want to die or you are terrified of it, this can be a sign of depression and needs to be talked over and treated. There's nothing wrong with you if you think a certain thought. The issue is only if it becomes an obsession and/or you act on it. Hope you feel better soon. Sorry if I'm redundant at this hour.