So glad you are feeling better. I just had a chance to read all of the messages tonight... looks like you've been through a lot of emotions lately.

I share many of the same feelings. My PTSD is my greatest enemy. I'm in full blown trigger right now. It's such an awful cycle and I just can't break away from the current abuse because of the guilt.

My life, away from these people, is amazing in comparison. It isn't like... super travel the world wealthy as crud great... but it's peaceful and calm and clean and happy. I want that life back soooo much but the longer I stay here, the more I forget HOW to get that life back on track.

You are strong to be so brave as to share your story with the counselor. May I borrow some of your strength? Ha.

About the weight, please try and stay mindful of how you are caring for your body. It's a slippery slope between the various ways we can mistreat ourselves... and I think that the food is a big trigger for so many of us that we have to be especially careful to choose wisely in that area.

You are breathing more easily now... let that carry through to everything... let that breath calm your panic. Easier said than done, right? I should know... it's 5:21 am and I'm dead tired but awake because of guilt induced panic. Grrr.

Good luck with the cleaning! Sometimes cleaning helps me feel all accomplished and warm fuzzy. Maybe that will be the case for you as well. Thanks for sharing your story... it helps me to connect like this right now.