thanks guys.
and its my mother, she doesnt have depression but she does get upset sometimes, she however is the kind of person that finds it hard to understand depression and has in the past expected me to just pull my socks up and get on with it.
and i feel like my depressions my fault - i dont honestly get why, and i feel bad that it affects people around me so badly - i would be able to tolerate the feeling bad if i werent so weak, if i could concentrate, if i could sleep..
i miss what i cant even remember having. is that stupid? i mean... i miss being motivated, happy, feeling alive... its sad that i cant seem to take things in properly. i can acknowledge pretty sights, achievements, that people care (whether they're obliged to or not) and i know how theyre supposed to make me feel...
i just dont feel it.
its like theres a part of my brain missing.
worst part is, all i want to do is be alone. i could starve, i could be exhausted, i could be having those "thoughts", but being with people just seems impossible.
thankyou for being there. it means a lot.
x