CFL~
I am so sorry for your situation. I wouldn't wish heartache upon anyone.

Wow! What an ordeal...And from the sounds of it, one that will not benefit you whatsoever.
I have to say though, I am almost willing to bet that his ex didn't cheat on him, (only for him to then have no choice but to cancel the wedding 4 days prior?). Has he provided you any proof to that? Do you REALLY know she cheated on him?

In my opinion, he sounds like a commitmentphobic, and GAWD, do I know that kind, as I, too, went through a 3 year relationship with a man very much like yours you've just described.

You are young, attractive, competent, capable and social. Why would you put yourself through something which is only draining you of your energies?

I have to agree with all those other's who have told you, that you are riding a dead horse with this one. It is only a matter of time until you will reach the point of a numb state, by which may only instill harbored negative results in you, (as he most certainly carries now).

My dad used to have this proverbial story of his own that he used to tell me. After hearing it a couple times throughout my relationship endeavors, (took that many times for it to finally sink in with me), I eventually titled his story as, "The Ugly Shirt Story"..and it goes something like this:

A man with his family went on vacation to Hawaii. There, he found this shirt of the Hawaiian traditional "loud, brightly colorful and quite busy print" shirt. Although his wife and kids asked him not to buy, let alone wear, this rather ugly shirt, he loved it and denied their requests.

There in Hawaii, it was a quite common shirt. And while wearing it there, it didn't attract any unusual attention as he fit right in with the surroundings. However, his family still were able to see how ridiculas he looked in this shirt, and trying to tell him that it was in fact quite ugly, but were still unable to convince him that it just wasn't his style and that he did, in fact, appear out of place.
He thought that it was just his family with their personal opinion about seeing him in something different and that only they thought was ugly. So, naturally, he ignored them.

Even though the shirt may have fit in there and those inlanders were accustom to the tradition of said visually aggressive pattern, they were unable to see how it simply didn't work well on him.

The family returns home from their trip and the man proudly displays the ugly shirt, thinking he was simply "styling", assuming that the looks he was receiving were mere glances of admirations and points of jealousies.

Eventually, he runs into a friend in passing, who immediately greets him with a surprised reaction to his choice of wearing such a shirt.
He says to him, "My Lord! Are you wearing that shirt by choice? It's so ugly!"
"Pishaw", says the man. "This is a genuine Hawaiian shirt. Got on my trip while in Hawaii". (Thinking to himself...What does this guy know, anyway? What is the opinion of just one man?).

He proceeds along his way only to greet a another of his friends who respond in the basic manner.
The friend says, "Time to change shirts, don't ya think? Put on something that isn't so offensive to the eyes. That shirt is so ugly!"
The man responds, "But this shirt was a hit in Hawaii, and it looked so good....I thought." (Telling himself...I think this is a nice shirt. After all, that's only his opinion?).

Stopping to get some coffee, the man runs into yet a third friend who says, "Living boldy, aren't you? I wouldn't be caught dead in that ugly thing, even if I were in Hawaii".
The man now begins to start to take a look at his shirt a little differently, thinking to self, "Maybe this IS an ugly shirt".

The moral to this story: The opinion of one regarding one single thing, can be easily overlooked as a mere single opinion. Whereas the opinion of many regarding one single thing cannot be ignored. There must be truth in the voice of many regarding one single thing.

You have been told by many basically the same single thing about your bf and the situation you are in with him. Therefore, there must be some thruth to what they all say in common. That truth cannot be ignored, no matter how you try to deny or disguise it.

Perhaps you can re-evaluate your situation and ask yourself where you truly do stand in this relationship...AND if this is where you want to be.

From what I can tell, he has absolutely no intentions of changing, and is definately seemingly stringing you along for his own benefit.

There was a quote by a fellow member in one of their threads which stuck with me...
"Treat others how you want to be treated, but at the same time, treat yourself how you want others to treat you".
I feel this statement strongly holds a true sense in this case of yours.

(Pardon the extent of my dad's story...had no idea it would have gone on so long.....Seems shorter when saying it....LOLS).

I wish you the best.
Take care.

Shangrala