(((MissC)))
(((everyone)))
Thank you for reading and sharing your thoughts.

We talked about this some tonight. How I do this to escape the many things that contribute to my anxiety. Suddenly I don't feel those things. Voila. Who needs anybody or anything, including therapy and T...

I've often said that I felt that depression, which is where this ends up, is the 'flip side' of anxiety. That anxiety relieves depression with action and energy, and depression relieves anxiety with withdrawal from many things including the things that make us anxious. (T had much prettier words for this. lol).

So... T drops an end-of-session bomb on me tonight. I'm still reeling with an erupting volcano of mixed emotions. I have talked about dropping one session here and there for financial reasons, and I said at the beginning of the session tonight that I was going to do that next week. As always happens, I can't give it up. So at the end of the session when she asked about next week I told her I wanted to keep both appointments and that maybe another week I would drop one. She said Okay and it won't be long before I'll be away.. ????????? HUH?!?! Oh she forgot to tell me her daughter is having a baby soon.. in several weeks... a girl... and she's going to go there for a few days. ("Oh, I didn't tell you?!! I'm so sorry to be telling you this way.")
Okay, mature me says How wonderful for everyone; how exciting.. the first grandchild.
The not-so-mature me is that she neglected to tell me at all, that she drops this bomb before the weekend.. I'm already jealous of her daughter (for having such a great mom) and I have this longing for mothering... so here comes a baby girl into her life.. and what if she decides to move there!
Yeah that's right, it's ALL about me. *pout*
But this is way too many feelings to have all at once!